Help your child deal with bereavement

Bereavement is the state of grieving triggered by the death of a loved one. Everyone deals with bereavement differently, irrespective their age, especially children, who experience a wide range of weird emotions that adults may not always understand. The responses vary mostly depending on their growth and maturity. Child psychologists explain that for children, grief is experienced in waves. One moment a child may be overwhelmed by the trauma, and the next moment, his attention may shift to mundane activities like playing. This does not mean kids are any less affected. It simply means they’re coping in their own personal way. A worldwide survey has noted that by the age of 12, the majority of children experience the death of a family member or a pet. 

What do children understand by death? 
Children often undergo several stages before they begin to realise that death is the end of corporal existence. While a toddler may not understand that death is permanent, older children, above the age of 10, somewhat begin to understand its meaning. However, they hope that they may be able to reverse the incident. A mischievous child might think that his grandfather will come back if he behaves properly.  

How children express grief? 
There’s a saying that grief follows no rules. Therefore, if you are concerned that your child is not behaving normally, it is essential to understand that grief is a complicated emotion and varies from one child to another. While adults mostly undergo shock, denial, anger and sadness, children often feel the same. However, their way of showing it is different. 

Ways to support a bereaved child 

As a parent, you need to make special efforts to help your children cope with bereavement. Help them explore and express their grief. 

• During a time of crisis, children are often restless, anxious, clingy and insecure. Make them understand that they are not alone in this journey, and you too feel the same. Ask them to let you know when they feel a rush of sadness or when they need a hug, or need a shoulder to cry on. 
• Reminisce stories about the person who has left. Talking about the person will enable the child come to cope with the void they feel. 
• Try to keep your child’s routine as mundane as possible. Just remember that he may need some added support, such as constant attention and reassurance. 
• Encourage your child to spend some time with his friends, peers or anyone outside the immediate family for that matter. It may help her get back to normalcy.  
• Don’t force a child with anything, not even his daily activities. If he doesn’t want to do his homework, keep it for some another time. Also, do not force him to describe his feelings if he doesn’t want to. 
• Remember, honesty is the key. So, answer your child’s questions directly. There’s no need to hide the reality as it won’t do them good in the long run.  
• Make a diary with anecdotes and photos surrounding the person who has passed away. This will keep the child happy as she will remember the times they spent together.  
• Reading or watching death in fiction also helps children understand death in real life.