Lessons your teen can learn from failure at school

Everyone fails some times. For teenagers, failure is tougher since they are experiencing so many changes in their bodies, brains and social lives. Help your teen deal with failure at school, and see it as something from which they can build skills needed at school and in life. Here is how you can do it.  

Put failure at school into concrete perspective 
Teens have to get ready for their school leaving exams. So instead of taking 35 on 100 as failure at Math, they will take it as a failure in life. Feeling like a failure can become an unhealthy and overpowering emotion. Help them recognise exactly what they have failed at. Choose statements like ‘you need to put in an extra hour at sports every week if you want to pass it at the end of the term’. This is a concrete goal to replace the failure. Avoid statements like ‘you are always making excuses to bunk sports and play mobile games.’ This is blaming, with no solution in sight.  

Be kind, strict, and a true coach  
As adults, we know we can learn from mistakes because we have the experience. If your kid fails, don’t cuddle him or her all day or scold and punish harshly. Talk to your teen, find out the exact pain points, and look for solutions. If more study hours are needed, you need to help them schedule it. Be kind, but strict, and move them towards the goal like a sports coach, so that they know exactly how to deal with failure the next time.  

Failure prepares teenagers for the adult world 
Parents can protect teenagers, but blocking out the world will make it disastrous for them later in life. If they are weak at a subject, are being bullied by peers, or getting too tired with the increased study burden and performing poorly, you need to help them deal with it, not remove it. Help them quantify failure, and troubleshoot it.  

Talk about failure 
Tell your teen about your own experience of failure and what you learnt from it to your advantage. Let them know people fail, it’s normal, and they need to take it in their stride. Once they look upon failure as a learning experience, they will become more productive.