Parents should stop comparing their kids with others: Here’s why

Comparing kids with their peers and siblings is a common practice among parents. This is their way of encouraging their children to improve skill sets, boost their potential and explore their strengths and talents. However, comparison can actually dampen the spirit of kids to excel, resulting in in low self-esteem and confidence levels. Instilling a sense of healthy competition in children is beneficial, but overdoing it can lead to unwarranted outcomes like stress, poor academic performance, aggression, obstinacy and above all resentment towards parents.  Here are the most common negative impacts of comparison that you need to be aware of, as a parent.  

Leads to detachment: When kids are compared with their peers, be it their siblings, cousins, friends or even acquaintances, they start suffering from insecurity and often distance themselves from their parents and those concerned. They knowingly or unknowingly detach themselves from anyone who compares them or who they are compared to. This makes them lonely, aggressive and repulsive too.  

Results in sibling rivalry: Parents often have the tendency to compare one kid with another. If the elder kid is good in academics, parents constantly remind the younger one about how bright their brother or sister is and how proud they are of them. This often results in sibling rivalry with increased fights, teasing, and inappropriate behaviour. 

Leads to suppression of talents: When youngsters are constantly compared with others instead of being appreciated for their efforts and achievements, they tend to suppress their own talents and creativity. They also start feeling ignored when their peers are praised by their parents and they aren’t. This is when they desperately try to please their parents, or worse, give up on everything they’re good at or are passionate about. 

Damages self-worth and self-esteem: Kids start losing their confidence and self-worth when they are constantly compared with others and made to feel like they are good at nothing. This leads to deterioration of performance and destroys their self-esteem and motivation to do better. This happens because kids start feeling that maybe they can never match up to everyone’s expectations (especially their parents’) and aren’t competent enough 

Impacts social interactions and leads to stress: When kids are constantly compared with others, they feel embarrassed and humiliated. This is what makes them hesitant and apprehensive about social interactions in presence of their parents. That is how kids end up experiencing   social anxiety, which, in turn, builds up of unnecessary stress.