Should parents intervene in their child’s friendships?

Childhood friendships are a significant part of everyone’s life. They are usually innocent and uncomplicated. However, there can be instances when certain disagreements, big or small, lead to falling out among friends. This can lead to reluctance to attend school or refusing to learn or participate in social interactions. Understandably, parents often want to help solve the situation, but they are often unsure about when to intervene and to what extent, without making the situation worse.  

When and how to intervene? 
Parents often don’t know which way to turn to or how seriously to take the situation. At times the problems seem to go away on their own or when other friends intervene. However, if things don’t seem to take turn for good to the extent when children start feigning illness just to miss school or avoid the friend, parents need to come up with a constructive solution. The most common approach is to talk to other parents and sit down with the children, listen to their complaints and offer them an acceptable way out. Parents must remember not to get too defensive or confrontational while talking to the other kid, as it may take a wrong turn. The trick is to act as a mediator. Parents may also turn to teachers for help when the situation is restricted within the four walls of classroom. However, it is always recommended to let the friends resolve their differences themselves. 

What can parents do to help? 
It’s natural for children to have a spat, part ways temporarily and then patch up again. So, the key is to recognise when the problem is more than just a petty bench fight and is beginning to affect your child’s education and general well-being. Here are a few things you can do to help.  

• It is important that you listen to your child, try and understand his grievances and take an unbiased approach while explaining what he did right or wrong. Make sure that you keep reassuring him that things are going to get better. 
• Encourage your child to forgive her friend and choose kindness above everything else. Tell her that she is a good kid, which is why she should take the first step to resolve the fight. This will help to build her self-esteem and give the confidence to cope with the situation. 
• Arrange a confidential chat with the class teacher and request her to keep a close watch, without making an issue of it in the beginning. 
• Some schools have smart and unique ways of handling such delicate situations. Teachers often address the issue in the assembly or ask the peers to step up and resolve the differences among their classmates. If your child’s school has any of these, make sure you suggest the school authorities to implement them.