Why spying on teens is bad parenting

Your teenager comes home from school, disappears in their room, and remains engaged for hours on their phone or laptop. It makes you want to know exactly what’s up, and when no clear answer is forthcoming, you peep into their mobile, or wore still, try to look at their online life via parental control apps.  

This is not a great parenting approach. But how do you satiate that burning curiosity, and at times, fear? Here are a few tips. Read on to know more.  

Focus on relationship building 
When your teen discovers the invasion of privacy, they will trust you less, and clam up. Even if they wanted to confide to you, they won’t do it now. It’s better to let the relationship grow organically. A bit of distance crops up as kids grow older. It’s a sign of health. But if you are genuinely worried and feel they are in dangerous company or doing drugs, try asking them directly in private. Don’t resort to spying or a showdown. Talk as an adult to an adult, though they may not be 18 yet.  

Do not be a social media spy  
You simply cannot demand access to personal messages and social media accounts of even your own children, it’s just not your birth right. If you embarrass your teen on social media or they discover you trying to follow in their tracks (and they are tech savvy), they will simply respect you less. Instead, chat with them about their friends, show some genuine interest in learning more about what they find interesting. If a teen feels threatened by an online predator, it’s likely that he or she will tell you directly if you have their trust.  

Don’t fight, over-react or panic over teen issues  
Many parents behave as if the world is ending if they discover their 15-year-old smoking hash. As a result, the teen might run away to smoke in peace at a friend’s place! If you are an adult and in command, behave your age and role. If there’s a serious problem involving real predators or stalkers, inform the social media company or school, depending on whether it’s real or virtual. And don’t take the law into your hands, report to the police instead. Your child will respect and trust you if you seem calm and in control.